Making Amends

I Don't feel like i will ever feel Genuinely happy again, So many things have changed, i'm not the same person as i was. I let people walk all over me, i smile when i wanna cry. i yell when im hurt and want to be left alone, i fake happiness so people don't ask whats wrong because i have been taught to hide my emotions. i don't know how to be the girl who depends on someone all the time for everything, makes me feel completely worthless. I  feel like i haven't accomplished anything in my life. I let everyone down. No body has supported my decision joining the army i lost So many people, but since that was my life maybe its better they are not in my life anymore, well whatever i try to move on and be ok but you can only fake happiness so long before you feel like you are a fake all the time. I am working toward being back to happy, but i feel i need to make amends and i don't  know if i am ready I Don't expect my apologies to be accepted i want them to be known. i have to come to terms with what i did. and move on best i can.